Why am I Still Single?

I can say that I never had a girlfriend. Well, maybe once, I am not sure. But I can assure that most of my life, I am single.

I am 20 now. FYI, in Indonesia, 20-something is the age that you are supposed to settle down and get married, at least for most of Sundanese. Now that I have a job, graduated, and somewhat "mature enough" (which I am not really), I hear -- not listen -- a lot of questions of: Why are you still single? When will you have a girlfriend? Why don't you approach girls and start a relationship?

Well, first of all, I don't really think that romantic relationship is compulsory. I admit that last year experience with a foreign girl was soothing and sweet, but I don't really think that it is obligatory. One cannot be forced to love, and one cannot be forced not to love, I believe. Maybe there will come a time when I fall in love with somebody and start a relationship, but that doesn't mean that it ought to be now. Maybe that time will come in 10, 15 years, who knows?

Then, I am considering myself engaged to languages and linguistics. I enjoy learning languages just like people enjoy dating. I can spend hours (during the weekend) to learn a language. I laugh at silly language jokes (where do the cats go when they die? PURRgatory. donde van los gatos cuando mueren? purGATOrio). I read language-related materials a lot (sometimes even at work). This is what I do for fun. Unless a girl is interested in spending quality time by learning a new script or enhancing vocabularies or creating our own language, I cannot have a real fun with any girl.

Next, I am in love with myself. I spend my time alone so much that I am able to spend my life without anyone. I am an introvert, and for me social contacts are just like virus. I cannot do that too much. Sometimes I am struck by a social anxiety when there is a lot of people, and I know nobody. I just stay in my place, not wanting to make any contacts with anyone. Sometimes I can alter my personality and socialize well, but afterwards I need a long time with myself, reading books and drinking hot tea, or snuggling in my bed under the blanket while watching Friends or The Flash. I am not totally sure if I get an SO we can spend quality time going out, because I always prefer to stay in my place, in my shorts (unless we are travelling somewhere).

After that, I am skeptical toward love. Maybe I am afraid to love and I cannot make a commitment and responsibility terrifies me a lot. But I know I am skeptical in love. I am a 70-something% T (please refer to MBTI test - I am an INTJ), and sometimes I think that I don't have feeling (teu gableg rarasaan, as the Sundanese say). I would prefer my live unaltered by emotions. I prioritize logic to feeling, and I abandon my feeling a lot. So, I am skeptical in love, feeling, and emotion.

I am basically a language nerd with narcissistic feeling towards himself who think that love is not compulsory and even skeptical in it. Yep, that is more or less the reason. 

Craving for Travel

It's been a while since I post in this blog.

To sum up, I graduated in August 2016, and in the same month I began working in a company in Jakarta (maybe I should write about this). After around three months of working, I am craving for travel.

I just want to travel the world, that's it. Now that I have decent jobs with good salary, I really think I can safe money to travel more. BUT I realized that I work. I don't have the time. Even if I go travelling, my salary would be cut (every time  I take a personal leave, including travelling, I have no right to the payment, I don't have PTO slots).

I was planning to have like a 4-days vacation to Ubud in December. But then I had to take IELTS test (I want to study abroad next year) and it costs more or less the same with the budget I expected to go to Ubud. So, I cancel this plan.

I am now planning a "grand trip". Not so grand, I just want to go abroad, all by myself, with my own money, in my 21st Birthday next year. I don't want to celebrate it with my family or friends. I want to celebrate it with myself in some strange lands. I am planning to go to Nepal (I can get the visa on arrival, and I have some friends in Nepal), or if I have more money I would go to Bhutan (It is damn expensive, but I believe it is worthy). Or being strictly religious, I would do an Umrah pilgrimage to Mecca and pray to God, "God, I just want to travel all around the world, admiring your creation, understanding each other, and getting to know myself." People say the prayer in Mecca is always answered, this might worth a shot :p

But really. I want to travel. Working is so tedious. So dull. So banal. So mundane. There is no other words that can describe the habit of working. You go to the same place, meeting the same person, coping with the same problem, doing the same thing, like, everyday! Not that I am not grateful by my job (it's like the best job ever), but still, my mind needs some refreshment.

When you are travelling, there is only a little to expect to be tedious. You go to new places, seeing new things, meeting new people, maybe doing new things, learning something new, all the stuffs! I miss the smile on my face when I landed in a new place, when I see a train in a new city, when I see a new building, stumbling upon a beautiful landmark, getting lost in a city just because of your stupidity, meeting new people, listening their stories, admiring what you see, and stepping your shoes in a brand new place.

I miss that pity laugh I had on myself when I encounter culture shock, I miss that confusion I got when I don't understand a local language (like when in Japan, I bought something in a convenience store, and the cashier mentioned the sum, I have no idea how much does it cost, so I just hand like JPY 1000 so I can simply receive the changes--while actually I got the exact money of what I bought). I miss that happiness when I see a famous landmark by my eyes (the first time I saw the Eiffel tower, I am sure I made a little scream, not believing that I am in Paris). I miss that I tried to communicate using local language, while I don't speak it, and the locals cannot help because they do not speak any other language too (in a local cafe in Tokyo, I asked the waitress, "eigo de hanasemasuka?" 'do you speak English?' and the waitress looked surprised "eigo?!" 'English?!' so I order nothing but tea "ocha onegaishimasu" because I suddenly forgot any other words. Or in a hotel receptionist waiting for my room to be prepared, I need to charge my phone, but I don't know the Japanese for it. So I showed him my phone, charger, and the universal adapter to him and asking, "ii desuka?" 'is it ok?'. Or when I was in Lille, a Turkish Kebab place owner speak no English and little French, it was a total struggle to ask the price. I literally asked him "how much? combien? kiom kostas?" and also in other languages but he doesn't react. I then showed my money to him, and he said something in Turkish, and I make the gesture and face of "I don't udnerstand" and he wrote on his hand "11". After handing the money and receive my kebab, I said, "tesekkur" (thank you), the only Turkish word I know).

See, I really miss travelling. Can somebody be my sponsor for a vacation?

A lesson

So I was bored and decided to try learning Turkish. Turned out that it was a big mistake.
I have learned several languages before and they do not help me in learning Turkish, but they make it harder.

Example, I know in Russian that если (yesli) means "if". In Turkish, yaşli (yashli) means old. In German " aufwiedersehen" means goodbye and in Turkish "affidersen" means  sorry, and both of them pronounced alike. In Arabic "khair" means good/ok but in Turkish "hayır" means no.

I should have been stick with French, Russian, and Dutch. After I master three of them then I move to Turkish, Japanese, and German.

Such a big mistake I made, learning all languages in a time. Should not make it again...

Where should we be?

I am a student of English linguistics and literature. I have been encountering English since kindergarten. So basically I have a good English skill. Well, perhaps with some errors. Hey, I'm not a native speaker of English!
Yet, I know most of the grammatical rules and spelling conventions. But it always makes me crazy!

No, I'm not crazy because they're difficult. I can adapt to most of them. What makes me crazy is the people who don't know how to use them and end up creating based English sentences. Call me grammar Nazi but, yeah, I often correct people when they're speaking English.

I still can recall about right first lesson in linguistics about prescriptive and descriptive grammar. The lecturer said that linguists should be descriptive and see grammatical error or language failure as  unique phenomena and researchable stuffs. I have been trying to be descriptive but there urge to correct people's grammar is really strong in me!

Well by saying that I am correcting them to teach the'correct' form and make them learn the 'good' English, I am just making excuses. I don't want to offend people. Some people are happy when they are being corrected but to the other it might be taken as an offensive attitude.

God. Seems like I will never be able to satisfy all people.

But recently I have been trying to minimize my act of correcting people's grammar. I usually just sigh and pray, "God please save me from the horrible grammar mistakes and embarrassing mispronunciation, as Thou art The All-Knowing about everything including languages. Amen."

But seriously, I really have no idea whether I should let them do their mistakes (again and again) and be descriptive about these situation, or be prescriptive to share my knowledge about English grammar with them so they would not make the same mistake anymore.

But, yeah, in my brain I keep correct their mistake for myself. At least I can learn from other's mistake.

Let's pray together again.
"Our Lord, save us from the horrible granary mistakes and embarrassing mispronunciations, as Thou art The All-Knowing about everything including languages. Amen."

Wahai Presiden Kami Yang Baru

Presiden Baru!

Saya yakin, jika harapan itu adalah air hujan, seluruh Indonesia akan diguyur hujan lebat seharian ini. Bagaimana tidak, presiden baru kita akan dilantik!
Setelah masa pemerintahan Bapak SBY selama sepuluh tahun, kini Indonesia akan memiliki presiden baru: Bapak Jokowi.

Secara pribadi, saya mengucapkan terima kasih banyak, sebanyak-banyaknya, kepada bapak SBY, yang telah dengan sabar dan secara penuh memerintah NKRI. Meskipun 'jasa' bapak yang saya ingat cuma satu: menjadikan mayday alias hari buruh internasional sebagai hari libur nasional yang baru. Alhamdulillah, nambah libur sehari, kan? :)

Dan secara pribadi pula, saya mendoakan agar bapak Jokowi bisa memimpin rakyat Indonesia dengan amanah, mengedepankan kepentingan bersama, mendahulukan persatuan, kesatuan, perdamaian, dan kesejahteraan rakyat.

Saya mau mendoakan aja, semoga bapak dikarunia kesehatan dan kekuatan fisik dan mental selama memerintah kami, semoga Indonesia bisa lebih maju dan sejahtera di tangan bapak, semoga Allah memberikan rahmat-Nya agar bapak bisa bijak dalam mengambil keputusan, semoga IPK saya tidak jeblok. Aamiin.

Intinya, saya mendoakan yang terbaik untuk Jokowi dan terima kasih banyak pada SBY. Semoga Allah selalu memberkati bapak-bapak sekalian.
SALAM TIGA JARI: PERSATUAN INDONESIA

Work Hard, Play Hard

Kalau kata orang Sunda sih, "Edankeun!"

Intinya, work hard play hard itu semacam pemikiran barat yang memaksimalkan semuanya dan mengedepankan keseimbangan. Kerja sepenuhnya semaksimal mungkin, main juga sepenuhnya, sebisa mungkin. Yah saya rasa teman-teman ngerti deh, ya. Jadi kalau kita kerja seharian, harus ada penghilang stres biar relaks dan gak depresi karena pekerjaan.

Pemikiran barat ini sedikit demi sedikit diadopsi orang Indonesia. Bisa dilihat, di mall-mall, di cafe-cafe, dan di restoran-restoran ternama, orang-orang dengan stelan formal menikmati sedikit waktu luangnya.
Menurut pandangan 'tradisional' orang Indonesia, sih, katanya, "Hedon! Gak boleh! Ngabis-ngabisin duit aja! Gue kaggak diajak!" yah pokoknya gitu. Menghambur-hamburkan uang untuk segelas kopi yang harganya puluhan ribu dan makanan enak yang mencapai ratusan ribu. Kata nenek sih, "Udah makan di rumah aja, nyangu (masak nasi), bikin lauk sendiri. Hemat, kan?"
Tapi kata mereka yang lagi ngupi itu sih, "Serah gue dong, duit ya duit gue. Gue juga masih zakat dan sedekah. Sekali-kali boleh, toh?"
Menurut saya sih, asal itu uang kita pribadi yang hak oranglainnya sudah diberikan, oke-oke aja. Sekali-kali, mencari kesenangan, gak apa-apa kan? Lagipula, kita niatkan saja membantu mereka yang bekerja di situ dan mencari suasana baru.
Itu definisi work hard play hard buat orang Indonesia. Kerja, capek, cari relaksasi dan kesenangan.

TAPI

Berdasarkan cerita-cerita dari dosen saya, orang-orang di Amerika sana, meskipun mereka mabuk-mabukan setiap akhir pekan, mereka tetap bisa mengerjakan tugas kuliah, bekerja sepenuhnya, semaksimal mungkin saat hari kerja. Mungkin bagi orang barat, definisi work hard play hard itu, kerja semaksimal mungkin saat hari kerja, bersenang-senang hanya pada akhir pekan.

Di situ letak kesalahan kita. Kita cenderung berpikir, ah saya sudah kerja/kuliah hari ini, pengen senang-senang kan boleh. Padahal, seharusnya kita kerja sepenuhnya saat hari kerja atau kuliah sebenar-benarnya saat hari kuliah, baru bisa bersenang-senang dan bersantai saat libur. Bagi orang Indonesia, work hard play hard harus dilakukan pada hari yang sama, padahal, bagi orang barat, ada jadwalnya.
Bahkan konon, orang barat enggan dihubungi masalah pekerjaan saat sedang berlibur (vacation). Biasanya mereka menyetel semacam balasan automatis untuk email mereka yang isinya, "mohon maaf, pesan tidak bisa dibalas secara langsung karena saya sedang berlibur" gitu deh. Beda dengan budaya orang Indonesia, di mana pekerjaan kantor di bawa ke rumah, dan hasilnya, pekerjaan rumah dan pekerjaan kantor tidak ada yang selesai.
Kata dosen saya, jika ia sedang bersantai berlibur di pantai dan mahasiswa menanyakan jadwal bimbingan skripsi, dia akan menjawab, "HULU SIA!" (orang Sunda pasti ngerti deh)

Yah itulah salah satu pergesaran makna dalam pemaknaan budaya luar di era globalisasi seperti ini. Kesiapan mental kita akan globalisasi masih kurang sepertinya, karena penyerapan budaya luar malah menyebabkan pergeseran makna dan bisa berdampak negatif. Solusinya? Yah, work hard play hard boleh aja, tapi ada jadwalnya, ada tempatnya. Selesaikan dulu work-nya, baru bisa play. Jangan dicampur. Miras dicampur/oplosan aja bisa bikin orang mati, kerjaan dan santai dicampur bisa bikin puyeng!

Apa Cinta Benar-benar Ada?

Apa itu cinta?

Cinta, masalah hidup paling populer. Apalagi di kalangan remaja dan anak muda. Hasil saya diskusi dengan diri sendiri, kami mempertanyakan keberadaan cinta.
Memangnya, apa itu cinta?
Jika "orang yang saling mencintai" merujuk kepada mereka yang selalu berbuat baik terhadap satu sama lain, tidak saling menyakiti, memberikan yang terbaik, saling perhatian dan pengertian, mengorbankan kepentingan pribadi demi kepentingan bersama, saling melindungi, lalu apa bedanya dengan damai? Bukankah itu termasuk juga kepada definisi perdamaian? (Harap pisahkan soal seks, saya berbicara mengenai cinta, bukan seks, meski kadang seks dianggap bagian dari cinta)
Yang mengherankan, dengan cinta, kita hanya berdamai dengan orang-orang tertentu. Kekasih, hanya berdamai dengan kekasihnya. Suami berdamai dengan istrinya. Anggota keluarga saling berdamai satu sama lain. Tapi kenapa terkadang kita berbuat jahat terhadap orang yang tidak kita cintai?
Jika cinta benar-benar ada, seharusnya dunia ini menjadi dunia yang ideal di mana tidak ada perang dan konflik, ketika semua orang mencintai satu sama lain dan berdamai satu sama lain?
Jika cinta berarti kita siap menghabiskan hidup kita bersama orang tertentu sepanjang umur, bukankah kita BENAR-BENAR akan menghabiskan hidup dengan SEMUA orang (yang kita kenal) sepanjang umur kita?
Pendapat saya mungkin banyak cacatnya. Tapi coba dipikirkan, jika kita mencintai semua orang secara sama, bukankah dunia ini benar-benar menjadi tempat yang damai?
Yah, jika begitu, mungkin tidak ada suami-istri dan mereka hanya sebagai sarana pelestarian spesies umat manusia. Namun saya pribadi, jika ditanya apa itu cinta, akan menjawab, "Cinta adalah perjanjian damai antar individu tertentu yang idealnya berlaku selamanya." Definisi ideal memang.

Bagaimanapun kita hidup di dunia yang realistis. Orang yang saling mencintai pun bisa menyakiti satu sama lain, kan? Pasangan kekasih dan suami-istri pun bisa berpisah, kan? Anak pun bisa durhaka meninggalkan orang tua dan orang tua pun bisa menelantarkan anaknya, kan? Perjanjian damai sesakral pernikahan pun bisa dikhianati manusia, bahkan.

Jadi, adakah cinta? Atau yang ada hanya perjanjian damai? Atau jangan-jangan (yang enggan saya bahas), cinta hanya alat manusia untuk mendapat seks? Yah, konon katanya sih,

(saya tidak mengambil hak cipta apapun terhadap gambar. hak cipta gambar ada pada sumber sebenarnya. gambar berasal dari pencarian google. jika Anda merasa memiliki hak cipta terhadap gambar, mohon segera kontak saya dan saya akan segera menghapus gambar serta saya memohon maaf yang sedalam-dalamnya. NAH KALAU ADA CINTA GAK USAH PAKE RIBET-RIBET NULIS BEGINIAN, KAN?!)

Yang penting, kalau kata mbah Surip sih,..

(sumber dari google. mohon liat gambar di atas untuk disclaimer)

I love you full! Sekian dan Terima kasih